Post by tearing on Aug 29, 2012 8:33:33 GMT -5
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[/i] The woman said, trying her best not to let her voice crack; even if her young daughter, formerly a lump of flesh and blood formed inside her did not know much of the complications this world brought, no mother wanted to raise a weak child. Her voice would be firm, determined. So used to taming men with egos as big as the country and arrogance as high as her workplace building; the single mother did not know how to deal with a child.
“You're so beautiful.” She murmured sweetly, and unknowingly for that woman, it remained part of the lullabies that sang her innocent little daughter to sleep when the nightmares would just not go away.
And that was the first time little Jiayi was betrayed. Not that she know, but little did she know, it would not be the last, either.
02.
Jiayi's second love was her first elder brother. He was mesmerizing to look at and the boy knew it too, with his hair that resembled oak on a fine summer's afternoon and skin so milky and pale he would be easily mistaken for a foreigner. Jiayi was eight. Jinhai was ten. Her little eyes would widen in awe at the sight of her new elder brother and her lips would form a a small 'o' shape; and to her, time stopped for a moment, as she looked up from the bottom of the western staircase and he looked down, face displeased with that tight frown of his. The woman who was to be her new mother, in retrospect, looked hesitant and unsure, but still wore a welcoming smile.
A tall man who was now going to be her 'daddy' stood behind her, but Jiayi was too scared to even look back. Mama had left her to her 'daddy', and she was scared to be scolded by her 'daddy' again for crying when mama's car drove away with mama's new... person.
Mama left her for someone else. Mama didn't want her any more.
Just those thoughts threatened tears to fall but Jiayi's little plump fingers touched her face to pinch the skin below her eyes, to make sure none of those silly, silly, tears ruin everything. Mama did say Jiayi was going to have a new brother, a new mama, and a 'daddy'.
She gasped in surprise when the she was pushed forward. Looking back and instantly regretting it, Jiayi was greeted by a smile the young child did not understand, but it scared her.
“Go on, you're part of our family now, Jiayi. That's your brother Jinhai, and your mother. You'll be very happy here, I promise.”
Biting her lip, the utter weight in her heart was too much for an emotionally unstable eight year old, but that was okay. Mama always told her she had to be strong... wait... that wasn't mama, the woman standing next to Jin-ge was.
Braving a smile, Jiayi stepped forward. Her step was near silent, but to Jiayi, it was the loudest sound she had never heard.
“My name is Jiayi, very nice meet you both, mama and.. Jin-ge.” Despite the fact that Jiayi had to force those alien names out of her system alongside her inner turmoil about her sudden abandonment, Jiayi managed to still stay in one piece. The little girl thought she'd surely explode into a million pieces, like in the cartoons she watched sometimes. A lot of her friends showed her a lot of different things, certainly.
Jinhai narrowed his eyes, his arms stubbornly folded across his chest, obviously unimpressed by Jiayi's self introduction. Jiayi was even tempted to ask the elder boy for pointers, if he was so displeased with her attempt.
He huffed. “...Don't get in the way, runt!”
03.
She fell in love with a screen next.
With her chubby, still little fingers, she'd sit too close to the television and hold out those same little fingers to stroke the screen. Often the maids had to come and pry her away from sitting so close to the magical screen and Jiayi would oblige, only because she didn't want to trouble the nice women, but still, her eyes glowed in wonder at the animated characters that suddenly flew from the glassy screen to every corner of her life, lighting her up like nothing before.
The first time she was entranced by the pretty animated people was the first time her dreams ended with a happy ending. A part of her eight year old mind knew it wasn't real, but for once, the dream tasted sweet; and perhaps even though it was selfish of her to indulge herself that way, it was okay for her to do it... as long as nobody knew. Jiayi didn't want to bother anyone.
In her dreams, her mother told her that she loved her.
04.
It was only on her deathbed that Jiayi realised that during the limited time she had the utter pleasure of spending with her second mother, that in reality, she loved her, too. Holding her cold hand as she sat beside her in the private hospital, Jiayi tried not to cry. The emotions swirling inside her young heart could not possibly be explained, but if she looked back on hindsight, she'd say she was scared of spilling empty tears. Crying over a dying relative was only natural, but the young Jiayi had been blind towards her second 'Mama' as all she could see in front of her was the blind hope that one day, her real Mama would come back to get her. Take her away from this world of fancy clothes and cold glares, high expectation and little love.
But Jinhai's Mama was good to her, she realised just as the woman's life was slipping away from her. She bowed her head as the life support machine beeped, the little girl's forehead touching the well cared for hands of a mother she never accepted, until now.
“Please forgive me, mama. Please forgive me. Jiayi has sinned.”[/i] She mumbled in between each sob, the strands of her then long hair hiding her shameful face.
05.
The next person Jiayi began to harbour unconditional love for was her second eldest brother, who had eyes like jewels but a stubborn frown and arms that crossed to protect his heart. Jiayi wondered what the boy had been through for him to be so guarded like this, but the hurt in his eyes was something she noticed almost immediately. At ten years old, Jiayi was already an incredibly observant and preceptive child who protected herself with a cheerful front; acting exactly how her 'daddy' wanted her to.
If Jiayi made him happy, that would mean daddy would love her... right? But that positive thought did not stop the aching in her chest she felt every other night about her mama. It was nearly better now... Jiayi just needed some more time. The demand for to top with her studies and watching the animated stories about happy girls that fell in love with handsome boys made her happy. It made her forget, even if it was just a little while, how much she missed her real mother's warmth.
When her daddy introduced him along with the new mama who smiled like the sun, Jiayi stepped forward first. She tried to reflect the light her new mama seemed to fill the room with and walked and walked until she was standing directly in front of her new brother, who was called Junjie.
She was half a head smaller than the boy, but Jiayi reached up anyway to place both hands on the boys cheeks to make him look into her own dull, boring, brown ones.
"Aiyo, your eyes are so beautiful, Jun-ge. One shines like rubies, and the other one... shimmers like gold. Pika pika bright!" Jiayi grinned, tilting her head to one side exactly how she had seen it done so many times now.
She then quickly let go of him, suddenly feeling embarrassed. W-What if Jun-nii thought she was weird? What if Jun-nii didn't want to be part of the family and it was all her fault and it would make daddy upset? No, she couldn't have that!
Before she could stammer out an apology though, another voice rose instead, casing a devastating earthquake within her, the epicentre being the heart.
"... Thank you."
06.
She should have realised she would love her 'daddy' without question earlier. Then she wouldn't have to feel so guilty. Despite his cold glances at the still tiny girl when she was watching him from afar as he was answering a business call, or the way he wouldn't say a thing but peer into her very soul when her marks were dropping, well, despite all of the things that made Jiayi terrified of her father, Jiayi knew he loved him too, just like mama, her second mama, and her third mama.
He rushed home with a box of birthday cake to celebrate her eleven years at ten pm at night even though Jiayi had already gone to bed, filled up on Japanese cuisine and eloquent laughter. The man never did wake her up to give her the pink and white especially handmade cake, but left it with the cook that night, only to leave early the next morning.
Her daddy would then push back all the duties he had to carry for just an afternoon, in order to spend time drinking tea in the rose garden in the late afternoon, despite the blazing heat and his distaste for anything that wasn't oolong tea.
Maybe her brothers could not catch onto their father's kindness, but Jiayi did and Jiayi made sure she'd give him a part of her heart too, in hope that it would mend his, even if it was just a little bit.
07.
“Here you go. A girl gave it to me... and I'm not one for animals, but it would be a shame to throw it away.”
Jiayi was in the middle of her usual pile of schoolwork when her eldest brother Jinhai walked into her room unannounced. Of course she could look over the fact that he didn't bother knocking; it was Jin-ge, and Jin-ge usually did as he pleased anyway. The pen she was holding in her right hand dropped onto her notebook with a soft thump sound.
She felt that familiar feeling blossoming within her chest.
Pushing her hair away, Jiayi gasped as she easily peeled herself away from her work desk. “Jin-ge, what's this?”
Jinhai gave her a funny look. “What do you mean? It's a rabbit, runt. What do you think it is?”
A large smile was immediately written onto her features. Jinhai placed the cage down beside his feet, unaware that the said animal was staring at him with it's beady eyes.
“Oh my gosh! I love you, Jin-ge!” She squealed, running over and throwing herself onto Jinhai. He doubled back as the extra weight made him lose balance, and his eyes looked away.
With her arms wrapped around his chest, the still tiny twelve year old held no shame for holding her fourteen year old brother so intimately. That much was not a surprise. What was a surprise was that Jinhai did not attempt to peel himself away from the younger girl, but instead petted the top of he head awkwardly. Ever since they first met, Jiayi tried to do anything to get the elder to open up to him. Although at first Jinhai resented her for being the unneeded component in the family, slowly but surely, he began to warm up to her.
… Not that he'd admit it.
“Stop it, you Jiayi you idiot! Now what do you say?”
Jiayi looked confused for a moment. Then she nodded slowly.
“A-ri-ga-to, onii-chan!”
Jinhai frowned.
“Wrong language, you idiot!”
08.
Jiayi met Rise on the way to school. On a particular street that was nearly empty because it was early in the morning and 'commoners' didn't use that street very often, there was a cardboard box sat innocently on the pavement. Jiayi ordered the car to be stopped, much to the displeasure of her two brothers that sat with her in the car, as she approached the box on her own, expecting to find....
Ah!
There is was, a dirty little kitten, so tiny and the cutest thing she had ever set her eyes upon. Ignoring how dirty the kitten was, Jiayi picked her up, staring into it's eyes for a moment, until it sneezed into her face.
Jiayi almost dropped her in alarm, sad for a moment, but then she burst out into laughter the next. Jinhai came out of the car to see what was happening because damnit, they were going to be late for school, and when he asked Junjie why he wasn't coming out, a look of distaste was the answer.
“Why the hell is she touching that... that animal? I'm allergic, god damn it!”
But it was too late, because Jiayi had already fallen in love yet again.
09.
Somewhere along the line, Jiayi abandoned the idea of deciding who she loved and why; because as she grew older something became apparent to her.
Perhaps she never knew what was love in the first place.
...But then watching BIGBANG music videos, her mind changed quicker than you could say 'faster than a kiss.'
010.
Swinging her legs, Jiayi sat apprehensively at the dining table with all the lights switched off. She bit her lip, waiting for something to happen.
“Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Jiayi, happy birthday to you!” Came a collective group of bad singing voices. At that moment, the candles on her commoner inspired cake lit up the entire room.
Jiayi laughed with tears in her eyes. The flames on the candles looked watery.
“Otanjoubi omedetou, baka imouto-chan.”[/i]
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| [atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellspacing,0,true][atrb=cellpadding,0,true][atrb=vAlign,top][classy=blascro]The ten times Jiayi Chen fell in love. 01. Jiayi's first love was none other than her mother. So much it was obvious; by the way the little girl would sit and stare at the woman who gave birth to her with wide eyes full of hope, expectation and curiosity of the big, bad world out there, the woman saw a possible longing for her to introduce it to her. Although for that number obsessed single mother, motherhood was a calculation she was not able to comprehend, however she felt that if it was for this child, this one so full of hope and innocence, she felt she would try. Holding the baby into her awkward, nimble limbs, the mother's lips wobbled when the little girl, her little girl, chuckled with glee, arms waving around, exerting energy because the child did not know how else to use it. “Jiayi. You will be called Jiayi.” |
“You're so beautiful.” She murmured sweetly, and unknowingly for that woman, it remained part of the lullabies that sang her innocent little daughter to sleep when the nightmares would just not go away.
And that was the first time little Jiayi was betrayed. Not that she know, but little did she know, it would not be the last, either.
02.
Jiayi's second love was her first elder brother. He was mesmerizing to look at and the boy knew it too, with his hair that resembled oak on a fine summer's afternoon and skin so milky and pale he would be easily mistaken for a foreigner. Jiayi was eight. Jinhai was ten. Her little eyes would widen in awe at the sight of her new elder brother and her lips would form a a small 'o' shape; and to her, time stopped for a moment, as she looked up from the bottom of the western staircase and he looked down, face displeased with that tight frown of his. The woman who was to be her new mother, in retrospect, looked hesitant and unsure, but still wore a welcoming smile.
A tall man who was now going to be her 'daddy' stood behind her, but Jiayi was too scared to even look back. Mama had left her to her 'daddy', and she was scared to be scolded by her 'daddy' again for crying when mama's car drove away with mama's new... person.
Mama left her for someone else. Mama didn't want her any more.
Just those thoughts threatened tears to fall but Jiayi's little plump fingers touched her face to pinch the skin below her eyes, to make sure none of those silly, silly, tears ruin everything. Mama did say Jiayi was going to have a new brother, a new mama, and a 'daddy'.
She gasped in surprise when the she was pushed forward. Looking back and instantly regretting it, Jiayi was greeted by a smile the young child did not understand, but it scared her.
“Go on, you're part of our family now, Jiayi. That's your brother Jinhai, and your mother. You'll be very happy here, I promise.”
Biting her lip, the utter weight in her heart was too much for an emotionally unstable eight year old, but that was okay. Mama always told her she had to be strong... wait... that wasn't mama, the woman standing next to Jin-ge was.
Braving a smile, Jiayi stepped forward. Her step was near silent, but to Jiayi, it was the loudest sound she had never heard.
“My name is Jiayi, very nice meet you both, mama and.. Jin-ge.” Despite the fact that Jiayi had to force those alien names out of her system alongside her inner turmoil about her sudden abandonment, Jiayi managed to still stay in one piece. The little girl thought she'd surely explode into a million pieces, like in the cartoons she watched sometimes. A lot of her friends showed her a lot of different things, certainly.
Jinhai narrowed his eyes, his arms stubbornly folded across his chest, obviously unimpressed by Jiayi's self introduction. Jiayi was even tempted to ask the elder boy for pointers, if he was so displeased with her attempt.
He huffed. “...Don't get in the way, runt!”
03.
She fell in love with a screen next.
With her chubby, still little fingers, she'd sit too close to the television and hold out those same little fingers to stroke the screen. Often the maids had to come and pry her away from sitting so close to the magical screen and Jiayi would oblige, only because she didn't want to trouble the nice women, but still, her eyes glowed in wonder at the animated characters that suddenly flew from the glassy screen to every corner of her life, lighting her up like nothing before.
The first time she was entranced by the pretty animated people was the first time her dreams ended with a happy ending. A part of her eight year old mind knew it wasn't real, but for once, the dream tasted sweet; and perhaps even though it was selfish of her to indulge herself that way, it was okay for her to do it... as long as nobody knew. Jiayi didn't want to bother anyone.
In her dreams, her mother told her that she loved her.
04.
It was only on her deathbed that Jiayi realised that during the limited time she had the utter pleasure of spending with her second mother, that in reality, she loved her, too. Holding her cold hand as she sat beside her in the private hospital, Jiayi tried not to cry. The emotions swirling inside her young heart could not possibly be explained, but if she looked back on hindsight, she'd say she was scared of spilling empty tears. Crying over a dying relative was only natural, but the young Jiayi had been blind towards her second 'Mama' as all she could see in front of her was the blind hope that one day, her real Mama would come back to get her. Take her away from this world of fancy clothes and cold glares, high expectation and little love.
But Jinhai's Mama was good to her, she realised just as the woman's life was slipping away from her. She bowed her head as the life support machine beeped, the little girl's forehead touching the well cared for hands of a mother she never accepted, until now.
“Please forgive me, mama. Please forgive me. Jiayi has sinned.”[/i] She mumbled in between each sob, the strands of her then long hair hiding her shameful face.
05.
The next person Jiayi began to harbour unconditional love for was her second eldest brother, who had eyes like jewels but a stubborn frown and arms that crossed to protect his heart. Jiayi wondered what the boy had been through for him to be so guarded like this, but the hurt in his eyes was something she noticed almost immediately. At ten years old, Jiayi was already an incredibly observant and preceptive child who protected herself with a cheerful front; acting exactly how her 'daddy' wanted her to.
If Jiayi made him happy, that would mean daddy would love her... right? But that positive thought did not stop the aching in her chest she felt every other night about her mama. It was nearly better now... Jiayi just needed some more time. The demand for to top with her studies and watching the animated stories about happy girls that fell in love with handsome boys made her happy. It made her forget, even if it was just a little while, how much she missed her real mother's warmth.
When her daddy introduced him along with the new mama who smiled like the sun, Jiayi stepped forward first. She tried to reflect the light her new mama seemed to fill the room with and walked and walked until she was standing directly in front of her new brother, who was called Junjie.
She was half a head smaller than the boy, but Jiayi reached up anyway to place both hands on the boys cheeks to make him look into her own dull, boring, brown ones.
"Aiyo, your eyes are so beautiful, Jun-ge. One shines like rubies, and the other one... shimmers like gold. Pika pika bright!" Jiayi grinned, tilting her head to one side exactly how she had seen it done so many times now.
She then quickly let go of him, suddenly feeling embarrassed. W-What if Jun-nii thought she was weird? What if Jun-nii didn't want to be part of the family and it was all her fault and it would make daddy upset? No, she couldn't have that!
Before she could stammer out an apology though, another voice rose instead, casing a devastating earthquake within her, the epicentre being the heart.
"... Thank you."
06.
She should have realised she would love her 'daddy' without question earlier. Then she wouldn't have to feel so guilty. Despite his cold glances at the still tiny girl when she was watching him from afar as he was answering a business call, or the way he wouldn't say a thing but peer into her very soul when her marks were dropping, well, despite all of the things that made Jiayi terrified of her father, Jiayi knew he loved him too, just like mama, her second mama, and her third mama.
He rushed home with a box of birthday cake to celebrate her eleven years at ten pm at night even though Jiayi had already gone to bed, filled up on Japanese cuisine and eloquent laughter. The man never did wake her up to give her the pink and white especially handmade cake, but left it with the cook that night, only to leave early the next morning.
Her daddy would then push back all the duties he had to carry for just an afternoon, in order to spend time drinking tea in the rose garden in the late afternoon, despite the blazing heat and his distaste for anything that wasn't oolong tea.
Maybe her brothers could not catch onto their father's kindness, but Jiayi did and Jiayi made sure she'd give him a part of her heart too, in hope that it would mend his, even if it was just a little bit.
07.
“Here you go. A girl gave it to me... and I'm not one for animals, but it would be a shame to throw it away.”
Jiayi was in the middle of her usual pile of schoolwork when her eldest brother Jinhai walked into her room unannounced. Of course she could look over the fact that he didn't bother knocking; it was Jin-ge, and Jin-ge usually did as he pleased anyway. The pen she was holding in her right hand dropped onto her notebook with a soft thump sound.
She felt that familiar feeling blossoming within her chest.
Pushing her hair away, Jiayi gasped as she easily peeled herself away from her work desk. “Jin-ge, what's this?”
Jinhai gave her a funny look. “What do you mean? It's a rabbit, runt. What do you think it is?”
A large smile was immediately written onto her features. Jinhai placed the cage down beside his feet, unaware that the said animal was staring at him with it's beady eyes.
“Oh my gosh! I love you, Jin-ge!” She squealed, running over and throwing herself onto Jinhai. He doubled back as the extra weight made him lose balance, and his eyes looked away.
With her arms wrapped around his chest, the still tiny twelve year old held no shame for holding her fourteen year old brother so intimately. That much was not a surprise. What was a surprise was that Jinhai did not attempt to peel himself away from the younger girl, but instead petted the top of he head awkwardly. Ever since they first met, Jiayi tried to do anything to get the elder to open up to him. Although at first Jinhai resented her for being the unneeded component in the family, slowly but surely, he began to warm up to her.
… Not that he'd admit it.
“Stop it, you Jiayi you idiot! Now what do you say?”
Jiayi looked confused for a moment. Then she nodded slowly.
“A-ri-ga-to, onii-chan!”
Jinhai frowned.
“Wrong language, you idiot!”
08.
Jiayi met Rise on the way to school. On a particular street that was nearly empty because it was early in the morning and 'commoners' didn't use that street very often, there was a cardboard box sat innocently on the pavement. Jiayi ordered the car to be stopped, much to the displeasure of her two brothers that sat with her in the car, as she approached the box on her own, expecting to find....
Ah!
There is was, a dirty little kitten, so tiny and the cutest thing she had ever set her eyes upon. Ignoring how dirty the kitten was, Jiayi picked her up, staring into it's eyes for a moment, until it sneezed into her face.
Jiayi almost dropped her in alarm, sad for a moment, but then she burst out into laughter the next. Jinhai came out of the car to see what was happening because damnit, they were going to be late for school, and when he asked Junjie why he wasn't coming out, a look of distaste was the answer.
“Why the hell is she touching that... that animal? I'm allergic, god damn it!”
But it was too late, because Jiayi had already fallen in love yet again.
09.
Somewhere along the line, Jiayi abandoned the idea of deciding who she loved and why; because as she grew older something became apparent to her.
Perhaps she never knew what was love in the first place.
...But then watching BIGBANG music videos, her mind changed quicker than you could say 'faster than a kiss.'
010.
Swinging her legs, Jiayi sat apprehensively at the dining table with all the lights switched off. She bit her lip, waiting for something to happen.
“Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Jiayi, happy birthday to you!” Came a collective group of bad singing voices. At that moment, the candles on her commoner inspired cake lit up the entire room.
Jiayi laughed with tears in her eyes. The flames on the candles looked watery.
“Otanjoubi omedetou, baka imouto-chan.”[/i]
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☆
notes so... what am i doing here instead of posting. i felt like writing jiayi's backstory, that's what, even though this is not nearly as detailed as i would have liked. i wanted to write more jinhai/jiayi/junjie siblingship because i happen to be a big fan of sibling relationships. do expect an omake sometime soon. um, special thanks goes to ayu. that's all, really.