Post by stella! on Sept 19, 2012 17:28:42 GMT -5
| [atrb=border,0,true][style=width: 400px; padding: 10px;][style=font-family: arial; font-size: 25px; letter-spacing: -1px; text-align: left; color: #313131;]testing, testing, i'm just suggesting[/style] [style=font-family: arial; text-transform: uppercase; font-size: 14px; letter-spacing: -1px; margin-top: -25px; color: #313131;]YOU AND I MIGHT NOT BE THE BEST THING[/style] [style=border-left: 30px solid #242424; font-family: arial; font-size: 12px; line-height: 11px;][style=padding-left: 12px; color: #313131;] dear ellie. the stupid counselor lady at school decided that i needed to be spoken too, what with mama being gone and all. apparently she thinks that getting into fights is my way of grieving so she suggested that i should write some letters to her, just as a way of saying goodbye and working away my frustration. but like i told her, the idea was stupid and that i wasn't going to write to mama since there was no point, she's dead. dead people can't read letters so i'm going to write to you instead. it's not like you're ever going to read these anyway, they are never leaving the box i will place them all in. don't think i'm writing to you because things have changed and i suddenly like you or something. i don't. i still hate you with every fiber of my being and am looking forward to seeing you solely so i can once again kick the crap out of you. until then, astrid. _________ dear ellie. god i wonder sometimes if your mentally retarded or something. how many times do i need to tell you before you get it through your thick skull, that i don't need you hanging around me when i go out with my cousin. JUST BECAUSE I'M A WOMAN DOESN'T MEAN I CAN'T DEFEND MYSELF IDIOT! i'm sick of it, i don't want to hang around with you and your stupid friends all day and you can't make me so just go away! astrid. _________ dear eli. i don't even understand why i still address these to you, it's not like i would ever tell you any of this or your a person i confide in. maybe the woman was right and i should address these to mama, but it's too late for that now. however this is one of the rare times i feel like i could talk to you. not in person, just here ... since in person i'm sure you'd ridicule me for having a fear of water now and would be less then sympathetic. yet still i talk like i know you so well, and yet i don't really know you at all do i? well let me just tell you something, drowning is probably one of the scariest things i have ever experienced ... and yes i did cry. probably the first 'womanly' thing i've done since mama died. i'm trying to be like her, she was perfect but i fear that my expectations of myself and the standard she set will just cause me to fail. i've decided that i hate him though, that stupid older brother of mine. i hate everything about him, especially his laugh. it's one of those ones that imprints in your brain and when you close your eyes you can still hear it ringing in your ears. and i'm going to make him pay for that, i don't know how or when but i will. yours, astrid _________ dear eli, well that was the most pathetic excuse for a date i've ever been on in my life ... but it was probably the most memorable. dear god you actually looked so stupid and uncomfortable in that suit (which i'm sure your mother shoved you) and you looked completely out of place in there. and well, i was in a mood because the food wasn't italian. but the great thing was i finally got to know you a little bit more, and that you were such a child that you wouldn't even touch the salad that came with the steak. i'm sorry for laughing at that by the way, but you did start it by calling me a pig when i ordered two meals ... fucking hypocritical if you ask me, since you did the same. running out on the bill was the best part if you ask me, especially the part where i had to get you to carry me after i sprained my ankle in what you called 'the most fuckin' stupid shoes you'd ever fuckin' seen'. those were lovely shoes bastard, i wasn't expecting to do long distance running in them. the basketball game was nice though ... not speaking of what happened, but surprisingly in all the mess i did have a pretty nice time. lets do it again sometime? besides i lied, as much as i hate to write this onto paper you weren't a bad kisser. all my love, astrid. _________ eli. i'm sorry. astrid. _________ dearest eli, honestly ... i think it was for the best. this wouldn't have made either of us happy, i can tell you that now. and deep down neither of us wanted this, so if i had to tell one little lie to stop this then so be it. i don't regret this decision i made, i may do in the future but now ... not really. besides i'm sure 'antonio' and i will live a very happy life together and you can find someone who actually cares about you, and isn't force to like me. because honestly i think you deserve better then me. not that i'll ever tell you that, besides you were no great catch either. so maybe we just deserve better then each other? i don't know ... it's done now. no ones ever going to find out and we can just pretend it never happened in the first place. my only regret is that i never said goodbye ... so have a nice life okay? all my love, astrid _________ dear eli, he found out, and now i don't think papa will treat me the same again. he just sits there and scowls at me. i think he really liked you eli ... i'm pretty sure he saw you like a son. well better then some of the people i've been bringing back recently ... not that i care ... my love life isn't anything to do with him. i think he actually wants me to find someone else, but i've decided i'm not going through that. quick and fast relationships are the only way to keep your heart from being broken. speaking of that i heard you got engaged. congratulations i guess? well done for finding someone that isn't me. astrid. _________ dear eli. was i ever in love with you? the strange thing is that the longer i'm away the more i want to see you again. is this love? i ... honestly don't know. confused, astrid _________ dear eli. apparently you come to the conclusion of things when it's too late, and that i think maybe for a little while ... there may have been something. i'm sorry. i'm sorry i didn't try and i loved you ... i think? sorry, astrid x _________ eli, i hate this. why am i still writing to you? why can't you just leave me alone? i swear this is the last time. goodbye, astrid. _________ dear eli, shut up, i can hear you mocking me. i know what i said okay but i thought i should fill you in. papa's getting married again ... it's not that i hate her but she isn't mama. you remember mama ... apparently i look more and more like her everyday. i don't see the resemblance. but that woman ... she's nothing in comparison to mama, and i thought i should tell you that. hows the engagement going? forever waiting, astrid. _________ eli, i'm coming over to japan. strange isn't it? papa needs someone over here so i volunteered, just something for some guy named ramsey, do you know him? i can imagine you calling him some kind of sissy if you were here ... i miss those stupidly unplanned remarks of yours. anyway, maybe i can see you there? if destiny is kind then maybe i will! i've missed kicking you around, it's always been fun. hopefully astrid _________ The shout of her name echoed down the corridor of the house, bouncing off the empty walls. Settling into places had never been a problem for her, she didn't mind moving around, she just liked to keep that little piece of home with her all the time. Home was where the heart was after all. "What is it!?" the woman called back impatiently, placing the box of clothes on the floor outside what was soon to become her bedroom and marching down the corridor. Honestly she had given him the job of taking a few boxes up some stairs and he couldn't even manage that. Just showed how fucking useless he was. Standing in the door frame that connected the landing to the stairs the woman saw something that froze her heart, stopping its beating in her chest. The man sitting on the stairs surrounded by all the letters from over the years, the box lying somewhere at the bottom, discarded and empty. "Woman what are these?" The question buzzed in her ears, setting in the realization that he had seen them all, every last one. Her hand slowly curled up into a fist in anger, mainly at herself for even letting him near those. How could she be so stupid?! Quickly a hand came out rip them from his hands, only to find his grip on them tightened. Brown eyes locked onto blue in a furious look to try and get the other to surrender their grip on the paper, the azure haired man surprised when she let go first, allowing him to hold the crumpled paper once more. Slowly she slumped against the banister of the staircase, her eyes trained on the floor, before she moved quickly down the stairs, his next question echoing in her ears, "What do you want me to do with them?" To her the answer was obvious, they weren't needed anymore. Most of them were just the stupid ramblings of a teenager who didn't know what she was doing. That had kidded herself into some stupid fantasy. She had never been in love with Eli Kazehaya and she never would be. "Just burn them, it's not like they matter" ... or so she always told herself |
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