Post by kiwii ღ on Jul 4, 2012 2:37:55 GMT -5
| [atrb=cellspacing,0,true][atrb=border,0,true][atrb=width,335,true][atrb=style, background: transparent,btable][STYLE=width: 300px; border-bottom: solid 5px #132617; margin-top: 50px;] [/style][STYLE=font-style: italic; font-size: 39px; font-family: georgia; margin-top: -41px; letter-spacing: -4px; text-transform: lowercase; color: #1B1F1C; text-shadow: 0px 0px 1px #000000;]I'VE FOUND A REASON,[/style][STYLE=background: url(http://i417.photobucket.com/albums/pp256/doggydude24/Morino%20icons/ryoushi3-2.jpg); width: 100px; height: 100px; -webkit-border-radius: 100px; -moz-border-radius: 100px; border-radius: 100px; border: solid 5px #132617; position: relative; float: right; margin-top: -60px; margin-right: -40px] [/style][STYLE=font: normal 11px courier; text-transform: uppercase; text-align: justify; line-height: 90%; width: 261px; color: #1B1F1C; margin-top: -5px;] FOR ME TO CHANGE WHO I USED TO BE. A REASON FOR ALL THAT I DO, AND THE REASON IS YOU. I'VE FOUND A REASON TO SHOW A SIDE OF ME YOU DIDN'T KNOW. A[/style] |
| [STYLE=font: normal 10px arial; text-align: justify; border-right: solid 5px #132617; padding: 10px; margin-top: -20px; color: #353535; border-top: 1px #132617 dotted;]She was all he had been working for. She'd been the one and only reason as to why he'd put himself through the pain, the agony, the torture of shaping himself into someone that anyone could be proud of and therefore into something completely different from his former self. She was why he wanted to change. She was his motivation. She was all he had to lose and all he'd wanted to gain. She was... she was... Tsukami Miyuki. It couldn't have ever been anyone else but her, right? Hideki was in no place to doubt that his own girlfriend was the one and only person that influenced him in these several ways. Still, he couldn't help but feel that wasn't it. Miyuki was complicated. He'd seen a different side of her that he'd never seen before and would never have wanted to see. But he had to accept it of course. Women were complicated. He'd heard it from a number of different guys before. It had to be normal. All this confusion... all this uncertainty... all this doubt... and all these feelings in his gut that told him to watch every step he took. They couldn't be anything but normal. He kept telling himself to ignore it all. He kept saying his suspicions weren't true. Those same feelings in his gut would argue otherwise, however. "You're in trouble," they'd continue to say to him. Maybe he was. He could easily be leading himself further and further into hopelessness without even being fully aware of it. Shinkuto could, in spite of all Hideki's dread, really be doing damage to his relationship with Miyuki. Those hidden ties and knots of lingering feelings towards one another, that'd all been kept under wraps by both Shinkuto and Miyuki's own masking denial and hesitation for so long, only to be recently suspected by someone as unsure of it as Hideki himself... And they could all be true. They could very well be preparing to deliver the impact of a devastating blow on the bond of them both being boyfriend and girlfriend, which had been gradually becoming thinner and thinner... Thin enough to allow room for a third person: his own cousin. It'd all been such a turn-off in the end. He didn't like coming last to Shinkuto. He'd dealt with that all his life already. All along, he'd looked up to him. Hideki wanted to be like Shinkuto, and always had. He hadn't minded being in that spot far below him any time before, but now? It was the worst feeling in the world. It was so frustrating to know he couldn't ever have a single thing without Shinkuto taking it from him. Or better yet, to think Miyuki would have ever gone so low as to take advantage of him in means of getting closer to the almighty Nakamura Shinkuto at last. He'd have never expected that from a girl like her... Girls really were complicated and unpredictable sometimes. But it was that thought alone that led him back to Lilith. Fierce and violent as she was, it was rather ironic for him to think that, in the end, she was somehow coming off as far more merciful to him than anyone else. However, it was true that she'd never done so much as steal his girlfriend, or say anything to him that might betray that honesty of hers, as brutal as it was; she'd never broken his heart. At the time, that sort of thing was only most appealing to him. Her intentions were meant to benefit people aside from herself, as opposed to the selfish actions of those Hideki once thought to be of good will. It was funny, the way things worked out. You would have never suspected this much from these certain few people. If all went according to the impression given at first glance, Lilith would infinitely be the selfish and destructive villain; Shinkuto would be the bitter one with many chances left untaken by himself and instead left for Hideki to fill up himself; Miyuki would be the one of all good heart and good soul and good potential, and would have never gone to the extent of lying to Hideki and to herself. If all was right in the world, Hideki would have a sense of direction again. But somewhere down the line, he'd lost himself. He started having thoughts about how ineffective Lilith's support was proving to be, seeing as it'd done nothing to convince Miyuki of how he could change, just for her, if she ever wanted him to. He started thinking he should just give it all up now. He had been losing in the fight to win Miyuki over, after all. He should just quit. It was when he realized that Miyuki was no longer the only one he'd been 'fighting' for that Hideki decided he was further into all of this than he needed to be. But it was when he realized how ridiculous it'd have to be to try and escape that state of distress that he decided he just didn't care. [/style] |
